OMG! I’m gonna die!!! So I have this ferrous sulfate with me, I drink it everyday, it’s a type of iron (because I’m anemic), just one tablet a day. Eh since I can’t sleep last night, inabot na ako ng 4:00 AM and I still can’t sleep, no sign of drowsiness, I decided to take it, kasi everytime umiinom ako nung gamot ko medyo inaantok ako. So why not give it a try baka yun yung solusyon para makatulog na ako. Ayun nga, I took 2 tablets, I dunno what came out of my mind at naisipan kong 2 tablets ang inumin, at hindi pa ako nakontento kasi kumuha pa ako ng another 2 tablets so bale 4 tablets na yung nainom ko.. After that, nakatulog na ako..

This morning, medyo parang may kakaiba sa tyan ko. I don’t know how to explain it but I guess it’s because of the overdose a while ago.. Then I searched the internet for the effects of overdose of ferrous. I was so shocked! GRABE! Never imagined it’ll be fatal, akala ko vomitting lang and drowsiness.

“Overdose symptoms may include nausea, severe stomach pain, bloody diarrhea, coughing up blood or vomit that looks like coffee grounds, shallow breathing, weak and rapid pulse, pale skin, blue lips, and seizure (convulsions).”

I haven’t experienced stomach pain pa naman, but I do experience rapid pulse kanina (i just thought baka dahil sa puyat lang yun). Siguro I’ll wait for more hours, tingnan natin kung mag tetake effect yung mga symptoms, and if not I’m a lucky girl, pero kung mamaya I’ll vomit na, OMG! see you in heaven nalang. HAHA

I never actually thought I can draw, and I’m so proud of myself! This is out of boredom, because I can’t sleep last night fro drinking coffee (stupid coffee). This is a Searcher Folio 2013- 2014 inspired drawing.

“When a child, I have played games with a blindfold obscuring my vision. Now I am like that child. Blindfolded, groping my way, not knowing where I am going, or if I am in the proper direction. Someday, someone will remove that blindfold.” -Dr. Joseph Workman, Alias Grace (1996)

I have become a total lunatic. Not knowing where to go and what to do. Not knowing what to feel and what other would feel if I do such an act. For years I thought I’ve grown up, I thought I’m doing the right thing because I thought I was happy, up until it come to the when I realized “yeah I just thought..” I have to admit I am a complete failure, I am a selfish bitch, and it needs to end now. Being happy isn’t always what you get in life, you need to strive hard to earn it, just like money; and not just because you’re happy today doesn’t always mean you’ll be happy for the rest of your life. Hardship, they’re always there.. Hardship brings thrill to life. We cannot escape from them, if we got through it then off we go to the next round. Hindi tayo nauubusan ng pagsubok. Ako, nagsisimula palang, but this is good, at least I know I did something wrong, I don’t always need to justify my actions, and I don’t always have to get what I want just to be happy and feel contented and yearn for more. Right now I need to stop acting like a child, I need to rectify my actions, I wish I could grow up already.

A lot of my friends keeps on telling me “move on.. move on na kasi, wala ka ng magagawa pa, tanggapin mo na lang lahat”. And maybe it’s time.. I must move on. Hindi ko na kailangang ipilit pa yung nararamdaman ko dahil wala na rin naman syang pakialam. He once told me “kung tayo, tayo”. Ako din naman yung nagkamali at ngayon he has moved on, kahit gustuhin kong ibalik yung dati, imposible na, cause he’s moved on and the best thing to do is to accept his decision and start moving on again.. I need to stop reliving the past because that won’t happen anymore, what I’ll do now is to take control of the present and look forward to my future. Stop expecting things to happen, you might end up in despair.

I’m letting go now Mac, I’m sorry nasaktan kita, I’ve been so selfish and so unfair to you, I won’t bother you anymore, masaya ako para sayo, I’m happy to know you’ve forgiven me. Masakit ngayon, but I’m letting go.. Titigilan ko na lahat ng kaartehan ko, no more cry nights, no more senti songs. Our past I would cherish, the pain I’m feeling will go away. I’ve learn from it. I know someday, something good will happen for us both. I’ll wait.. I’ll wait..

*I’m not saying goodbye, cause I’m still hoping in meeting and talking to you again, I wish to be friends with you again, good friends. Let’s start all over as friends, I’m good with that.